There are times in your life when your emotions feel as if they are doing somersaults traveling on a roller-coaster while sailing the high rough seas…well I think that should be descriptive of what I face at times.
Strange are the ways relationships treat you. Usually the people who matter to you are the most likely to cause your emotions to do the flips. Of course that is very obvious; since why would you feel for people on the road unless your are Mother Teresa re-incarnate.
Well I suppose the reason you feel the most hurt is you actually let yourself be vulnerable to the person who you place your complete faith and trust. You have nothing to safeguard against. Sometimes I wonder why do we do this to ourselves repeatedly when you know this is true.
Maybe its because we are utterly foolish or perhaps its a trade-off worth the pain since the moments you share with that person is something you cherish more than anything else. The happiness and contentment that you get being with the person is like a soothing balm for the intense hurt and pain that comes along the way without fail.
I have seen so many of my friends including myself, subjecting self to this pain and emotional turmoil. Its amazing to see the threshold of tolerance. The biggest risk of the self inflicted pain from a relation is the brain putting its foot down. For some reason the heart can’t make up its mind as to how much more can it take. So the brain steps in. My brain usually starts a process of emotional isolation.
Yeah..I swear it does. After the brain realizes that I am unwittingly going to continue to smother myself in the emotional sandpit, it starts to become indifferent. I have had this before and its scary. The last thing you want happening to the relation that matters to you most is the setting in of a cold emotionless mind. Even the feeling of hate is still an emotion, but being cold is worse. Though this is supposedly a defense mechanism but it is in no way productive to the relation in question which is probably already faltering. This is like a death knell.
All that I can do is take it another day and fool my brain into believing that my heart is fine and pain that just flashed was nothing but indigestion.
Damn where did I keep that sachet of Eno!!!
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