Hurting Flies and Mass Murderers

They Would Never Hurt Fly

I shake in my boots when I hear – “Oh! It came as a surprise to me! That boy could not even hurt a fly”

If not hurting flies  is the definitive benchmark of a person who is incapable of committing crimes especially murder, then I am a sure goner. I have swatted flies dead and at times with only my bare hands and intense concentration, smashed red ants, and even killed a menacing rat once at home.

Does that make my a potential candidate for a serial-killer? I have spent countless sleepless nights wondering this. What if this tendency to hurt pests extends to the general human populace especially when a large percentage of which can be easily identified as pests? As I toss and turn on the bed, I cannot help but think of the consequences and how I may be judged.

What will the old ladies and relatives say about me in the media after I am sent to trial?

“Oh he is a good boy. Killed a rat once that I saw but other than that I did’t think he could do something like this”

or perhaps a less painful statement such as, “He was not the silent types. Always yapping about bothering everyone. Its the silent ones you got to watch but this one…surprised us all.”

One moment I would be yapping and another moment…Wham!Bham!Shazaam! I may drop someone and everyone would be left wondering just like me – How on earth did that happen? Of course I have no intention of pursuing such a ‘Pest Clearance Drive’, but then these things pop in one’s head. I am not sure about you but it is not easy being me.

If flies were the barometer of ‘murderistic’ talent then I have butchered it already. I have shot off the dial as they say. I am glad “Minority Report” doesn’t exist as of today in our society or I would be locked in the gallows for good. Gives me the jitters I say!

Ah! there goes that pesky ant! Wait you……

 

Interestingly there is a book by the name “They Never Hurt a Fly” by Slavenka Drakulic on War Criminals on Trial at Hague. Interesting title. Will grab a copy if I get one. 

To-do List of a newly elected MLA (LEAKED):

  1. Open Swiss Bank Account (Caymans recommended due Austerity measures)
  2. Prepare a 5 year personal investment plan that gives 200% returns or more
  3. Establish a charitable institution to accept all kinds of “donation”
  4. Repay “personal loans” for ticket & election expenses by means of ‘preferred tender bonds’
  5. Support the ongoing research on “Exploration of Avenues of Praetorian Funds Creation & Tax-proof Channeling “

An interview with our dear Mantriji

India Against CorruptionReporter: So Mantriji, you are now in-charge of charging & investigating corruption charges on your peers and other government officials…

Mantriji: Yes yes, bilkul, corruption is a sin and must be condomed.

Reporter: But Mantriji, what about the Gutter case against you a few years back?

Mantriji: Please please do not defame me. It was not Gutter Case, it was Sewage & Sanitation issue. What is the Gutter, Futter!!! NO class!!!

Reporter: Sorry Mantriji. But what about that case? I believe it is still pending

Mantriji: Of course it will be pending. No proof is left. It is such an old case. If there was any truth in those allegations then do you think I would be roaming around free. I even got elected again.

Reporter: Regarding the re-election, Mantriji there were allegations of buying votes for cash and other freebies in your constituency.

Mantriji: Sab Jooth! If I give away gifts to my own people that will improve their lives then what is harm

Reporter: But Mantriji, giving such gifts especially during elections are a direct violation of the EC codes!

Mantriji: Code Phode all rubbish! What EC understands plight of common man. The poor man cannot even watch his favourite serial or an old Amitabh film because he does not have TV. If I give a TV or 2 to them then what is wrong? Am I asking him to vote for me? It is only due to my good intention that I am doing this. What this EC babus who sit in AC office and AC car and Dish TV understand all this!!??

Reporter: Mantriji coming back to the current issue of corruption and your new role. Over the years politicians have rarely done ever done hard time for corruption charges. Shouldn’t there be some kind of strict policy that considers corruption as treason against the country and have very strict punishment?

Mantriji: You media people tho! What you know about treason? Without any reason…treason! Treason is when you do things that help Pakistan or China! Most of the corruption charges are involving those who do so much good work for India. How can that be treason? No..I believe each case is different. You have to see all sides of a coin before you decide on such sensitive issues.

Reporter: But isn’t it true that corruption erodes our nation’s wealth and global standing. Is it not hurting our progress?

Mantriji: Of course corruuption is not good. I have been saying this for ages. It is a sin. But this sin will not wash with Ganga also. So you must be careful not to be involved in all this.

Reporter: So how do you intend to take action against corrupt MPs or officers?

Mantriji: Why do you media people always pointing fingers at MPs and officers? What about NGO? Have you seen how much corruption they do? Nobody talks about that. I will take strict action against them and make sure they are not stealing from this nation.

Reporter: But Mantriji…

PA to Mantriji: Sorry but Mantriji has a meeting with an important 4G meeting. So thank you for your time. No comments.